Missing Cockhristmas
by XxSonicumachinexX69
Summary: Mario the irrelevant Plumber and Sonic the blessed Hedgehog meet up in a lodge the day before christmas. There will be ehm yep definitely that and uuh sure yeah that too why not lets see you know what lets add some of that too, baby we got a stew goin. ehm porn


_Missing Cockhristmas - A study of the increasing irrelevancy of two once beloved characters_

"Merry Christmas."

Mario jolted awake as he heard the words and felt the hot breath on his ear.

Sonic giggled playfully from where he lay next to mario under the covers as he saw the look on Mario's face and heard his sigh of relief.

"Oh did you think I was that WHORE Peach?" he asked, still laughing. Mario nodded stiffly.

"Don't worry," Sonic rolled over so that he lay on top of the naked plumber, "I've taken care of her." The hedgehog felt Mario shudder under him, and he giggled again.

He leaned in until his black snout was almost touching Mario's bulbous nose. "I've got you-" He moved down and licked Mario's right nipple "all-" he slid down some more and flicked his tongue into the plumbers belly button, causing another shiver "to-" then still further down until he felt something hard against his cheek "myself." he finished, and this time it was his turn to shiver, with excitement.

It was dark under the covers, and so Sonic couldn't tell just how large the Italian plumber and mafia boss's mushroom was. He therefore wanted to make sure he wasnt biting off more than he could chew.

So the blue blur decided to use his whiskers, which he definitely has because hes a hedgehog and hedgehogs have whiskers. He twitched them around as he lay there, trying to get a sense of how girthy Mario's pipe was.

What sonic didn't realise was that his probing whiskers were tickling Mario's pipe and so although the plumber tried not to fidget around too much, he couldnt keep still anymore, and so he burst out laughing and his entire body jumped at the outburst.

Unfortunately for Sonic, Mario's outburst of mirth caused his pelvis to thrust forward, right into sonic's relaxed mouth.

Sonic retched immediately, caught completely off guard by suddenly having an Italian surprise deep in his throat. He obviously tried to pull his head back, but found that however hard he tried to pull out, he just couldn't do it.

He was so panicked that he didnt realise that one of Mario's white gloved hands was pressed to the back of his spiky head, forcing him down.

The blue hog was starting to get desperate, he couldn't breathe and his head was getting light headed and dizzy. He knew he had to take drastic action. And he knew he had to do it now. So he gathered what little strength he had left in his jaw and bit down. Hard.

He knew it had worked almost immediately, as he heard Mario let out a howl of pain. He pulled his head back as hard as he could and this time, without the plumber's hand on his head, he shot backwards onto his back. He lay there breathing heavily, still hearing Mario's pained curses from the top of the bed.

His body was so exhausted that even though he tried his best not to, he drifted into sleep.

Sonic came to, feeling groggy and sick, it wasn't a good feeling. He remembered what had happened before with Mario and tried to get up from his position on his back. Except he wasn't on his back, he was on his stomach. This is weird, Sonic thought, I never sleep on my stomach because my long stupidly shaped snout gets squished.

Then he realised the more pressing problem: he couldn't get up. His slow retard brain came to the understanding of the situation. He was tied to the bed on his stomach. Holy shit, he thought, all I did was bite his dick what the shit is his problem, fucking Italians man theyre all the same goddamn it I should've stayed home and got Tails to suck me off as usual. Fucking kill me dude.

He heard the door creak open slowly behind him. "Whaddya want you red and blue prick?" Sonic asked. "What'a do I want? How about a'some old school street a'justice" Mario growled back, "And I want'a my mushroom back you fucking asshole". Sonic was confused, "I dont have your shrooms dawg, and even if I did have them, why would I give them back, you jerk." Mario laughed maniacally from behind the hedgehog. "I'm a'not talkin about my hallucinogenic plants a'you dickweed, I'm talkin about a'the penis you bit off a'last night."

Sonic took this in slowly. "Holy fuck dude did I really bite you're dick off dude?" he asked. "A'yes you did, so now you're a'gonna barf it out." The Hedgehog had a bad feeling about this, "I dunno man, you sure I swallowed it? That fucker wasn't small."

Mario didn't reply and Sonic could hear him rummaging around behind him, and he started to get nervous. He decided to keep quiet for now, since I cant be bothered to keep typing quotation marks and trying to make Mario sound Italian by putting a' before words. hah racist

Finally after like 10 minutes of very convenient silence, Mario made a triumphant noise out of his mouth. Sonic tried to turn his head to look back as he had been trying to do for a while, but he couldn't bend his weirdass malformed hedgehog neck far enough to see what Mario was doing.

Sonic could hear Mario's footsteps coming round to face him, and then saw his legs. Then as the plumber bent to kneel in front of the hedgehog, Sonic saw what he had done. In place of a penis, there was now a mangled mess of flesh and something which looked suspiciously like semen.

Sonic immediately wanted to vomit, and would have, except when the bile started rising in his throat, something else rose up too, and suddenly he couldn't breathe. He struggled for a few seconds, trying to swallow whatever it was down, and finally did so.

Seeing Sonic's struggle, Mario said accusingly "That's a'what I fucking thought you asshole, you've a'got my peepee stuck in you're anatomically incorrect body." Sonic couldn't think of any other explanation for what had just happened, so, still wheezing he spluttered, "S-so what now?" "Now," Mario muttered, "A'now you're going shit the penis you a'swallowed out of your hedgehog asshole."

Sonic went a paler shade of blue than the winter sky on a crisp winter morning like it was at the time because it was Christmas by the way. Sonic went over to Mario's place on Christmas Eve and so the night before had been the night of Christmas so it was now Christmas Day. Obviously. "It'll never come out dude, I swear, I don't even know how the fuck I swallowed it in the first place man cmon dude I didn't mean to do it bro please man. Dude.

"You're saying your a'too pussy to help out a bro dude? That's a'pretty low man, even for a'you. All I'mm'a asking is that you help me out a'here, man. You're the one who a'got a'me into this mess in a'the first place. Cmon, it'sa me, Mario. Help'a Mario out yes?

"b r u h" Sonic said quietly, "I wanna help dudeman, I really do dawg but like it wont come out man, I'm serious, trust me, this ain't the first time this has happened. Best case scenario, you're dick'll disintegrate in my digestive fluids for a while, and then once its smaller it'll pop out.

Mario was stressed, "What a'dyou mean disintegrate? You a'sayin my peepee no be bigbig a'no more if we wait?"

Sonic replied calmly, "Yeah it wont be as big, and it'll be like, permanently flaking away and pretty much unusable. Pretty unlucky man, not gonna lie I wouldn't want to be you in that situation, sounds like it would suck pretty hard."

Mario looked troubled. "I-I cant a'live a life like that man, I just a'cant. I am a plumber, my a'pipe is all a'I have. I would a'rather die.

"You can't die man, everyone loves you, little kids think you're the best!" Sonic tried to reassure the sad spiraling plumber. Mario wasn't having any of it. "a'haha'a a'ha a'ahaha" He laughed like a retard, "No one a'likes poor Mario anymore, all a'i'm good at nowadays is turning up at a'birthday parties for young people whose a'parents don't know that their a'kids don't even know who a'mario is. Don't they a'know? ...It'sa me...Mario.

"Hah you think that's bad? No one likes you're games but at least their good dude. I haven't been in a good game since 1994, you know how that feels? It feels like shit man so how about you suck it up and stop complainin like some hoe, fucks wrong witchu.

This show of noncompassion from a fellow irrelevant relic from a bygone age who nobody gives a damn about did cheer Mario up somewhat. "You know what a'Sonic? You're a'not so bad. You a'DTF?"

Sonic was confused and thought Mario was tricking him by using words his hedgehog microbrain didn't understand and asked "What the fuck does DTF mean man, seems pretty suscpicious of you to use a word you know I won't understand dude. I don't trust you

Mario was exasperated. "If a'you didn't spend a'so much time being a speedwhore, maybe a'you would be more hip with a'the speech of the kidz. DTF stands for a'down to fuck you dumbass a'degenerate blue rodent.

Sonic took a few seconds to take in those several seconds of words Mario spoke because he has a low IQ, then when he realised what Mario was suggesting his face lit up. "I'm always down to fuck a bro, bro. You're such a bro man. It's really cool of you to be mature enough to put that business earlier dude."

Mario nodded, "A'yes afterall it'sa me a'mario, I can't hold a grudge a'too long." Sonic smiled, "So shall we get back to where we were last night minus one penis?" Sonic noticed Mario looked slightly down and so he tried to comfort him again, "Its okay dudebro, this time we'll swap places. I've always wanted to feel your bushy bristly moustache on my blue furry testicles anyway."

Mario's face lit up at that, and he motioned for Sonic to get onto the bed. But everyone including me forgot that sonic was tied up on his stomach this entire time so first Mario untied the poor hedgehog.

Sonic opened the window briefly and looked out at the snow to remind us all that it was Christmas Day, and to take a breath of fresh air before the room got to hot and stuffy. As he was standing there, with the chill breeze playing over his whiskers which he has because he's a hedgehog, he didn't hear Mario come up behind him.

"Ow!" He yelped as he felt the smack on his round shapely buttocks. He turned to Mario, who was standing there, with his hand up ready to strike again. There was a pause, Sonic was waiting to see whether Mario would slap him while they were face to face, and Mario appeared hesitant.

Finally, seeing that this was going nowhere, Sonic berated the Italian, "Holy shit don't be such a colossal pussy dude, just slap me, if I didn't want you to then I'd have bitten your hand off too."

Turning round again, he waited patiently for Mario to spank him again. After a few seconds he was about to turn around again and slap the moustached man, but he was halted when he felt a feeling which he felt he hadn't felt in what felt like ages. And just as he was about to let out a pleasured hedgehog mating moan, it turned into a more pained hedgehog mating moan, as the plumber spanked him again at the same time as sticking his short stumpy tongue into Sonic's tight hog-hole, which had been what caused the rodent to feel that feeling he felt he hadnt felt in what felt like ages.

"Oooooohhwwwooooeeeaaaoowwww" was what the pained hedgehog mating moan sounded like, talking from experience.

Mario's tiny tongue continued to explore the dark damp cavern which was Sonic's asshole, and as he did so, Sonic louder and louder with his moans, and they turned from pained ones ("Oooooohhwwwooooeeeaaaoowwww"), so more happy ones ("Uuuuuhhaaaiiyeeeeeaaawwhooooo"). These weird noises continued for several amounts of minutes until Sonic, whose ass cheeks were now the shade of crackwhore red mixed with atlantis blue and were also getting painfully sore, called for Mario to stop. Mario, face buried between the blue antropomorphic creature's two asstiddies heard him faintly, but continued on for a few seconds, ending with one more brutal slap.

This last hit was a mistake though, because not only did it make Sonic topple onto the ground, taking Mario with his head stuck, down with him. It also caused the hedgehog to let out a disgusting, pungent, obnoxious, radioactive fart, right into Mario's face, still sandwiched between Sonic's bread buns.

Sonic felt completely relaxed after the expulsion of body-air, and it took him a moment to realise the plumber was still there. He shook his ass as hard as he could to try and dislodge our poor Italian hero, and eventually he got free.

Sonic felt as though this wasn't his fault, since Mario had misjudged his immense strength when slapping him that final time. "Sorry man, I couldn't help it bro, you whacked me too hard dude." He said to Mario, who was recovering on the ground behind him. "Dont...a'worry, it's...a'me, Mario, i'll be alright" Said Mario.

After this they took a break of a few minutes before continuing, and decided to break open a bottle of alcohol free wine which they conveniently found somewhere. Neither of them could read Italian and so they didn't know it was alcohol free, and so pretended they were getting more and more drunk as they drank their drink which was alcohol free wine.

Mario thought of a fun idea, and so told the blue thing to get on the bed on all fours Sonic did as he was told, he walked to the bed pretending to sway from side to side like he was drunk, but actually he just looked like a 11 yr old hopped up on lemonade. When he got to the bed he pretended not to see the edge from being soooo drunk and pretended to fall over. He climbed back up and onto the bed and got on all fours as Mario had asked, and tried to put his head as low as he could and his ass as high as he could like he had seen all the hot hedgehog and ekhidna ladies do back home. He looked behind him through his back legs and saw that Mario was walking up with the bottle of wine.

"Whatchuu doinnn maaannn." Sonic asked, pretending to have a slur in his voice from drinking the non alcoholic wine. Mario replied "Papaaa Maario'sss gonnna filll you uppp baabyyy", and then like the excellent plumber he was, he plugged the leaking hole.

Sonic screeched a high pitched wail as what he thought was wine poured into his stretched hog-hole. If he had been drinking real alcohol, the pain would have been lessened a lot, maybe even numbed down almost entirely if he'd had enough. But with no alcohol in his system he was in a considerably large amount of pain.

This hadn't turned out quite as well as Mario wanted, and so felt bad, so he knew what he had to do. "Don't aa'worryyy Saaaniccc, I comme to saave!" He grabbed the bottle and yanked as hard as he could, and sure enough with a loud succpop ("Sshhhlooopah"), the top of the bottle of alcohol free wine popped out. Along with the bottle of alcohol free wine, a decent amount of the alcohol free wine which had been inside the bottle of alcohol free wine was now pouring out of Sonic's pulsing hog-hole. Mario wasted no time and lay under Sonic's shaking legs and caught most of what came out in his mouth. What a great guy, he knew that the more they spilled the more they would have to clean up. Great guy.

"Fuck you. Italian prick" were the first words out of Sonic's mouth 3 minutes and 47 seconds after he had collapsed ass first onto Mario's alcohol free wine-covered face. "Mmmffmn Hhhhff Hnmmmm" was Mario's reply. "Yeah, take that tone, you jabroni moustachio fuck" Sonic muttered. He climbed off Mario's face and lay on his back, hair spikes acting as a cushion. Mario dragged himself to lie next to him. "Ib the anneh ooweh ei ten maek ith ehph teh yehu?" His mouth was still numb. He decided to wait a few minutes before trying again, definitely the right choice. "A'hemm. Ith ther ehny a'weay I cam maek it up tou a'you?" Sonic replied sullenly, "You can suck my hedge hog dry you piece of shit"

At this, Mario's eyes lit up. He slid down the bed and wiggled to the side until Sonic's Blue Spire of Speedy Cumming™ was in front of him. Sonic had his eyes closed, but had heard the plumber moving down. He hadn't been serious of course, but he figured if he got free blow out of this then it was all worth it. As Mario flicked his short tongue over Sonic's disappointingly average sized peen, the hedgehog quivered with anticipation, his fur stood on end and his whiskers which he had because he was a hedgehog started quivering.

"What are you waiting for bro? get suckin or get nothin." Mario gave him a glare but did as he was told, fitting the rodent's hog into his mouth and beginning to move his tongue around it. Sonic's shoes, which were unremovable to hide the monstrous feet he had, started to hum, as if they could sense the pressure building in the hedgehog's body. They shot off as he grew still more tense, revealing his grotesque feet.

"Go down deeper man, what are you hourly" Sonic said through gritted teeth. He was desperate not to blow it early due to his immense because that would make him the beta male and Mario the alpha, something which would make his family see him as even more of a worthless failure than they already did. He could barely hold it in any longer, so he tried to signal for mario to evacuate before he ejaculated by twisting his leg and tapping on the plumber's red cap with one of his freakish revolting feet.

What Sonic didn't know is that according to the 100% correct and true Mario lore, the plumber's red cap was actually a living organism. And this organism, when threatened by something such as a bloody, scabbed and rotting foot, lets out a painfully shrill high pitched whine. Sonic heard this terrible noise and it gave him such a fright that he couldn't hold on any longer and exploded with catastrophic force into Mario's moist mouth. Mario heard this terrible noise and took it as the signal he had been waiting for. So just as Sonic's bluish-cream coloured hog-jizz splattered inside his mouth, he bit down with all the force he could gather, on Sonic's Blue Spire of Speedy Cumming™.

"OOOOOOHHWWWOOOOEEEAAAOOWWWW" Sonic screamed letting out one of his classic pained hedgehog mating noises but without mating part. So just pained hedgehog noises "WHAT THE bleepING SON OF A bleep OF bleep bleep EATING bleep I'LL FIND YOU'RE bleepING BROTHER AND bleep HIS LIFELESS CORPSE AND MAKE YOU WATCH"

Mario just laughed, leaned in close and whispered in Sonic's ear, "Merry fucking Christmas a'you blue bastard."


End file.
